It’s time once again for the Homage to Fromage. Over the course of the last month, month and half I’ve been taking one for the team and watching the SyFy original Saturday night movie. This column started with Ice Road Terror, then I moved on to Swamp Shark. This past weekend it was Super Eruption. Bring on the snark!
Ok, so you’ve stuck with me this far. That’s good. Time to get the particulars out of the way. This film is about a magma chamber underneath Yellowstone National Park unleashing its fury. You see, there’s a volcano down there under all those stinky geysers and scientists say it’ll blow eventually. Well in this film that time is now. Richard Burgi (The Sentintel…remember that show??) stars as park ranger CharlieYoung and Juliet Aubry stars as volcanologist Kate. Nope, she apparently doesn’t have a last name. Anyway, Kate realizes something funky is going on when swimmers get burned and a guy gets blown out of the water by an exploding geyser. Things are getting a little crazy in Yellowstone and it’s up to Kate and Charlie to stop the volcano before the magma takes over North America and the ash cloud brings on the beginning of the new dark age.
Yes, yes, it’s all very dramatic, and it plays out that way as well. I forgive certain issues that films of this nature have, but within 60 seconds of starting this film, I knew it was going to just be ridiculous. One does not just skydive into an area that’s ON FIRE WITH MOLTEN HOT LAVA! First of all, I don’t think that the nylon of the chute could withstand that type of heat. Maybe I’m wrong….but isn’t the heat from lava like eight bazillion degrees? And for this guy to land exactly where he needed to be when his jump was not calculated at all? I find that highly unlikely. Oh oh….and to top it off, he was able to jump out of the way of the raging lava river that’s tearing up the forest, but only had to go like, two feet to the side. But not to worry, he made it out safely. The first and the second time. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that.
I could go on and on about the issues but I’ll stop there……for now. The beginning of the film plays out just like you’d expect. Charlie doesn’t have much love for Kate and resents having to babysit her in the tower when he should be out doing his job in the park. He’s got a daughter named Claire played by MyAnna Buring (who for the life of me I knew I had seen before but couldn’t place. Turns out she was in The Decent) that decides to visit at just the wrong time, so of course there’s going to be drama there. Kate tries to get him to warm up by using her dry British sense of humor but goes on about her business regardless of his irritation.
As things slowly go from bad to worse in the park, Kate tries her best to find a solution. Lucky for her, Kate from the future is there to help. Yes indeed….they went there. You see the film starts with the whole skydiving scene, but once they return from the commercial break, we’re told the whole story from the beginning. Future Kate, tells the present-day Kate what to expect and to trust her(self). It’s that whole space/time continuum thing that works on Star Trek, but not so much here. All thrown in to the mix is a bitchy government official, the young ranger trying to hook up with the boss’ daughter and the inevitable, eye-roll inducing romance. My question is this: is there really time for romance when you’re trying to stop a natural disaster? My thought is no, but crazier things have happened.
I hate to bag on this film……actually that’s a bit of a lie. I don’t hate it. But I would have at least liked to like it a little bit. I was even able to enjoy Ice Road Terror, and Swamp Shark for what they were. Awesomely bad films. Super Eruption though, was just bad. I will give them props for one thing. Even though you can pretty much pinpoint where the film is going to go, I was not expecting to see Future Kate pop up and offer words of wisdom. I really didn’t see the film taking that road at all. So kudos to you filmmakers! However, that being said….the rest of the film was so groan worthy, that I’m taking those props back now thank you very much.
Watch the trailer if you dare…and be amazed by its….by its…..well, just watch it.
Be sure to check back for the next installment of Homage to Fromage. I’ll be talking about Age of the Dragons starring Danny Glover and Vinnie Jones. It’s Moby Dick…..but with dragons. Right?!
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