The Expendables 2 Review: Action Porn at its Finest
I guess it’s only fitting that as I write this I’m currently watching Rocky IV. I didn’t plan it, but rather got sucked into a Rocky marathon. Anyway, I only bring it up because of Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren. You know, the two guys that are also in the gratuitous action porn, Expendables 2. When the first film came out a couple of years ago, I don’t think my excitement could have been measured. I mean seriously, here was a film that offered me most of the action heroes of my youth. All in one movie no less. How could I NOT love it right? I wasn’t the only one who didn’t care that the story wasn’t great and that it was riddled with bad dialogue because it made enough money to warrant a sequel. And this time it’s got even more action heroes! Hell yes I was going on opening day!
One of the biggest complaints of the first film was that it wasn’t all it could be. This is by no means the fine wine of the film world and it never pretends to be. While the first film was loaded down with trying to give the film depth, this one doesn’t go quite that far. There is a little drama, but this one is more about celebrating the roles that got these guys to the level they are. The story, I hesitate to call it a plot, follows the team as they’re sent on a mission after Church (Bruce Willis), the CIA agent from the first film, calls in a marker to Barney (Sylvester Stallone). What was supposed to be an easy-in, easy-out mission, it quickly heads south when the team is confronted by a gang of mercenaries, led by Jean-Claude Van Damme, who happesn to be after the same item. Bested by the villainous Van Damme (whose name in the film is Vilain), Barney and the boys, along with an ass-kicking female named Maggie (Nan Yu), vow to “track ‘em, find ‘em and kill ‘em.”
Simon West took over as director this time around, leaving Stallone, and the rest of the cast to bring the action….and a fair amount of cheese to the masses. And that it does….in spades. While you don’t go into a movie like this expecting the next Oscar winner, you want it to be entertaining enough to hold your interest. The action is so over the top and gratuitous that action fans can’t help but love it. Copious amounts of blood flow and splatter and spray every which way along with various body parts, but strangely our heroes always manage to walk away unscathed for the most part.
The addition of Chuck Norris, and Liam Hemsworth in addition to the expanded roles of Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger put this film into testosterone overdrive. Hemsworth’s thread adds the slight bit of actual drama to the film, even if it’s only fleeting. Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren all have their little moments in the sun, but the best parts come from Norris, Willis and Schwarzenegger. While the script was lacking any real depth, it’s riddled with inside jokes and one liners that those familiar with each actor’s repertoire will recognize immediately….not to mention enjoy the shit out of. Van Damme has normally been cast as a good guy, but here he makes a rather good villain….and he still has some skills.
I really just want to talk about all the jokes, but that would ruin all the fun for those who haven’t seen it yet. Suffice it to say, there are several winks to previous material and one line that is delivered by Norris that makes this film worth the ticket price AND the cost of the snacks. This is probably the biggest source of amusement in the film. It’s riddled with little nuggets and trying to find them all could be a bit difficult. I would have loved to have been in the writers room when this script was being drafted. I can only imagine working everything in presented its own set of problems.
The film’s biggest issue actually had to do with its cinematography. There is a grainy quality that is present throughout the film especially in the low lighted scenes. I watched this film on a DFX screen and the graininess was very noticable. It’s a minor complaint and one that didn’t really detract from my experience, but consider that a heads up.
I’ll be honest and say that even though this film is nothing more than empty calories, I didn’t care. I loved it, I laughed at it, I even clapped at one point because I loved what they did and how they did it. It’s ridiculous, it’s cheesy and it has so much macho bravado oozing from it, that it will force anyone watching it to grow hair on their chest. There’s regular porn, there’s torture porn and now with The Expendables 2, there’s action porn.
Tags: Action porn, Arnold Schwart, Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundgren, Jean Claude Van Damme, Jet Li, Liam Hemsworth, Randy Courture, Scott Adkins, Simon West, Sylvester Stallone, Terry Crews, The Expendables 2, The Expendables 2 Review
