Femme Fatales: The Expendables Female Edition
With the release of The Expendables, the question was raised concerning a female version. At first I rolled my eyes at the prospect but then began to wonder just who I would cast in such a film. After much deliberation, I came to a conclusion and made my list of 10 women that I would want to see in a femme fatale version. Everyone on my list has done some sort of action based role, and they can actually act. I was going for quality here since I’m picky that way.
Sigorney Weaver
She’s Ripley. Plain and simple. Ripley is the mother of female action heroes. She took on the queen alien and won! She can also go toe to toe with any man and beat them down verbally. She seems like the kind of gal who doesn’t take any crap and she’s no-nonsense and calls it like she sees it. You can bet your ass she’d nuke the entire site from orbit just to be sure. She’s be the one calling the shots as well as the teams heavy artillery operator. Also, if it moves, she can drive it or fly it. Her brain is always going so sitting still drives her crazy. If she’s sitting still, she always has a case of crazy leg and is working on a Rubik’s Cube…even though she’s able to solve it in about 10 seconds.
Angelina Jolie
She’s beautiful and lethal. She’s got the dramatic chops as well as the physicality. However, she’s way to thin these days so her character would (taking a page from her beau’s role in the Ocean films) always be eating something. She serves as Weaver’s character’s lieutenant and is responsible for logistics. She’s trained in various forms of hand to hand combat and is quite skilled with a Kyoketsu-Shogei Knife.
Angela Bassett
Some of you may question this decision, but I assure you, this woman kicks major ass. She strong, she’s a great actor and she can take on pretty much anyone. She also has a presence about her that spells certain doom for those who try to mess with her. If you need an example, just watch her beat the crap out of people in Strange Days. She also does a mean Tina Turner and that’s always a bonus. Her area of expertise would be hand to hand combat and knives. She finds the monotonous task of knitting to be soothing and since she’s a little high-strung, it mellows her out.
Linda Hamilton
You knew she’d be on this list. Seriously….just think back to The Terminator. Now think back to your reaction when you first saw her in Terminator 2. THAT’S why she’s on this list. Sure, she followed that up with the TV show Beauty and the Beast, but she’s still awesome. She disappeared for a bit but has a guest starring role in an episode of the upcoming season of Lost Girl so that’s cool. I see her as the weapons expert and is responsible for maintaining the team’s arsenal. She’s got a photographic memory and is constantly reading. She’s a bit crass and has a weakness for trashy romance novels and just to rake everyone’s nerves, she’ll recite the worst passages of the 50 Shades series in character.
Michelle Yeoh
Ummm because she’s amazing! Just watch Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and try to argue that point. She’s got a very calming presence about her, but is able to open up a can of whoop ass while still maintaining her calm exterior. Obviously she would be the martial arts expert, who tends to play with her prey before she destroys them. She’s also has a love of cooking and prepares all the meals for the team.
Jennifer Garner
It’s been a while since she’s done any major action but her skills in Alias and the dismal Elektra prove that she can hold her own in an action based role. She’s also got the emotional part down as well and anytime she cried on-screen, it made me want to cry as well. She’s the group’s tech expert and also serves as the team’s demo/explosives expert. She’s got a bit of an obsession with fire though and prefers wooden matches so she’s always got a box on her. She’s a bit scattered, but is able to focus when needed and she also has a thing for 90′s boy bands. The team hates it when she’s got control of the stereo.
Paula Patton
She hit my radar with her turn as IMF agent Jane Carter in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. She proved that she can kick ass and looks good doing it too. She has a talent for acquiring things and knows a lot of shady people. She’s also the scout of the group and normally heads to their destination before the team so they know what they’re walking into. She’s got a sort of sixth sense for trouble and is able to dispatch her attackers quietly.
Gina Carano
She just made her debut with Steven Soderberg’s Haywire, and from the looks of that she’ll be around for quite a while. She went toe to toe (dramatically speaking) with Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender and Bill Paxton and managed to do a pretty good job. Her MMA history gives her some killer moves and the girl can take a hit. Her character is the one that gets underestimated a lot by the enemy and they normally pay the price. She excels at close quarter combat so she’s normally the first one through the door. She also has a passion for firearms.
Summer Glau
I really liked her in the Sarah Connor Chronicles. She’s got an ability to play action, geeky, vulnerable and all the other emotions out there. Her character would be the one that is a Jane of all trades and is able to blend in to any environment. Meaning, she’s the one who goes undercover to ferret out the mark. She doesn’t look it, but she’s a 5th degree black bet in Tae Kwon Do and is pretty handy with knives as well. She likes to test her skills against Angela Bassett’s character.
Saoirse Ronan
Say what you will about this young’un, but she kicked ass in Hanna. Sure she’s young, but the girl has a wisdom about her that goes beyond her years. She’s the baby of the group and was found living on the streets fighting off a group of thugs. She’s a wild card but seems to have calmed now that she’s found something resembling a family. She’s got a talent for numbers and is able to do difficult calculations quickly. She’s also a bit of a whiz kid and helps with the team’s tech. She’s being trained on weapons and hand to hand combat, but shows real promise with distance weapons like a bow, or a sniper rifle.
Sure there are loads of others like Kate Beckinsale, Michelle Rodriguez, Maggie Q, Gina Torres, the list goes on really. This is my dream list though. Each actor has proven themselves on screen in both actual acting and the action side of things. While I don’t think it’s really necessary for there to be a female version of The Expendables, if this group were rounded up for one, I wouldn’t say no to seeing it. Agree? Disagree? Let me know in the comments.
(Banner photo source: ScreenRant)
PS
I have no idea who created that header image but whoever did it…you’re brilliant!
Tags: Angela Basset, Angelina Jolie, Femme Fatales, Gina Carano, Jennifer Garner, Linda Hamilton, Michelle Yeoh, Paula Patton, Saoirse Ronan, Sigourney Weaver, Summer Glau, The Expendables: Female Edition
I’d like to lobby to add Helen Mirren to that list. She’s just kick ass in general but man, that old broad can kick ass too (The Debt, Reds) and she’s sexy as hell.
Helen Mirren is the bomb! She could be like the big boss…..or Mother if you will.
WHERE IS UMA THURMAN?
I contemplated Uma and do think she rocks. She just didn’t make my initial list.
interesting list, but I’d like to remind (or inform) everyone of an actual way you can tell the difference in action-ability between these women. It deals with cinematography. Of course, they’re all not remotely doing the same things, much less all doing the same scenes, but whoever can not hamstring the film-maker (particularly the Director of Photography) with their dependence on a stunt-person not only widens choices but proves the ability/character of the actor. The way to discern is observing the how much actor is I.D-confirmed, especially at key physical moments of action. Observe the amount of times the film cuts (flashes to another angle and/or the end of a punch/kick/jump etc.) Also, is the camera’s overall shot too far or too close to I.D-confirm? Sometimes it’s actually moving! To the uninformed, this creates a grittiness or sense of realism as amateur, handheld, “real” footage is, but here, all it does is provide kinetics that the people on-screen cannot create for themselves. ‘The Avengers’ Director Joss Whedon spoke on action scenes and said he’d like to keep his actors faces in frame as much as possible to maintain belief with the audience, but just see how little, Scarlett Johannsen can be ID confirmed in her interrogation escape scene. Also, count the number of quick cuts in Paula Patton’s fight scene in ‘Mission Impossible 4. I realize the following is a nearly unfair comparison..but Gina Carano in ‘Haywire’ is so needless of a stunt-person that non-ID confirmed cinematography was used for stylized purposes, not out of necessity.
I’m totally not under the assumption that all these actors can pull off all the stunts that are performed in their movies. The quick cut technique has been used in abundance to hide the fact that it’s a stunt person and it’s one of my main complaints in action films these days. I recently just complained about it in my Bourne Legacy review. The first Expendables was guilty of it as well. Instead of adding a level of realism to the scene, it pulls me out of it completely. I much prefer the long take like what was used in Children of Men as well as the scene in Hanna with Eric Bana. Those are much easier on the eyes.
As far as my list in concerned, I chose these women because each left an impression on me in action based roles. It was created for fun, and I’m under no illusions that they could actually bust some chops like their characters did. With the exception of Gina Carano of course. I wish more directors would take a page out of Joss Whedon’s book and strive for keeping the actor’s face on screen as much as possible. I’m very curious to see Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity since that film is supposedly filled with long takes although from the sounds of the synopsis, there won’t be a whole lot of fight scenes. Thanks for reading and commenting!!
Well, we know Garner and Jolie both do their own stunts, so they’re in for sure!
There’s already one in development and partially cast: http://www.soldiergirlsmovie.com
Great article, Tracy. Obviously I am going to have to visit your site regularly. I love the Sigourney Weaver character you’ve created. Very imaginative and very entertaining. Looking forward to reading more of your work in the future. Have a great holiday and thanks again for your response to my Piranha review. Sometimes responses can be hard to come across, so I am more than happy to read your entertaining responses on a regular basis. Take care.
Hey Joe! Thanks!! Believe me….I know exactly what you mean! Your posts are always so fun to read and since my mom said I always have a comment for everything, I figured if I like something, I’ll let the writer know
Thanks for reading and I’m glad you liked this one. I know they’re going forward with making the female version, but between you and me….I’m worried it’s going to be nothing but ham-fisted cheese. Fingers crossed I’m wrong! I posted the link to my Piranha review in the comments on that post for you
Seems that we’ll be going back and forth on each others posts! I get comments from Adam every once in a while to. It’s always nice to read a familiar name.